Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Guns

November 2, 2008

Guns are a focal point in a redneck’s identity.  For one, it shows that a redneck is patriotic and rugged at the same time.  Since the right to bear arms is written explicitly in the constitution as the 2nd amendment in the Bill of Rights, it is considered patriotic to exercise your rights as an American citizen and purchase as many guns as possible.  Rednecks also like to have guns as it instills within them a sense of strength and pride.  Should any danger come to their home, they will be waiting with a barrel full of lead.    While guns may not ever be employed in self defense from any foreign invader, it is considered impolite to question as to why anyone would need more than six guns.  If

Ted Nugent addresses the National Rifle Association

Ted Nugent addresses the National Rifle Association

asked how many guns you have, a sound answer approximates to around two per man in the household.  For example, if you have a family of four with two sons, six or more guns is the appropriate amount, although more is generally encouraged.  Guns also accommodate for a great redneck pastime, hunting.  Hunting, like a lot of redneck activities, allows rednecks to showcase their manliness by putting food on the table (in this case, a fresh bloody deer carcass).  Hunting is always an excellent conversation starter when approached by a redneck.  Statements such as, “So where do you go to hunt?” or “Season’s almost here, hopefully I do as well as last year,” are sure-fire ways to initiate a conversation and possibly be invited in to admire a spread on a buck from last year or sample some jerky.

Advertisements

NASCAR

November 2, 2008

NASCAR is very popular among rednecks.  In a sport where “athletes” who are predominantly white, like most

NASCAR athletes have many skills including will, concentration, and iron bladders.

NASCAR athletes have many skills including will, concentration, and iron bladders.

rednecks, compete by driving in a circle for approximately three to four hours.  This makes the event easy to follow, which rednecks love knowing that at any sporting event, including NASCAR, the average alcohol consumption of the typical redneck nearly triples (see Alcohol).  It is also important to note that a large focus of NASCAR is the vehicles themselves, which are often shown before the race.  These supercharged engines and sleek bodies are visually and intrinsically appreciated by rednecks and allows a certain degree of connection between a redneck fan and the sport.  It is also interesting that the most prominent drivers have the largest fan base.  Jimmie Johnson, Jeff Gordon, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. enjoy some of the largest fan bases in NASCAR because they win, and rednecks love winners.  NASCAR is famous for selling every square inch of each car as advertising space, and while most players can be recognized by the number on his or her jersey, a driver of NASCAR can be most easily picked out by the primary sponsor of his car.  For instance, Jeff Gordon has always driven his iconic DuPont car, or Jimmie Johnson is easily picked out by the giant Lowe’s logo on his car, his suit, and his helmet.  These large draping corporate logos remind rednecks of American business, and assist to associate these companies with winning, which rednecks love.  Essentially, rednecks love NASCAR for the common ground they share between athletes, high powered cars, and simplicity.

 

 

Alcohol

November 2, 2008

Rednecks, like most populations, love alcohol.  Alcohol is often offered after work, at barbecues, or anytime after noon on a weekend.    While a variety of drinks have been observed at redneck gatherings, one drink has been accepted as the primary substance for consumption, beer.  All rednecks love beer, especially domestic American beer.  If offered said American brew, such as Coors, Miller, or Budweiser, it is your obligation and privilege to accept.  Special events that always include beer include rivalry games of a favorite team or any fishing event whether for an entire weekend or a few hours.  It is also important to note that the average consumption of beer in a population of rednecks

The redneck "gold standard" for beer

The redneck "gold standard" of beer

nearly triples during any sporting event, most notably footballs games and NASCAR races.  When asked by a redneck what your favorite beer is, responses such as, “Not sure what I like best, Bud or Coors,” or “I love Coors, but there’s nothing better than an ice cold Bud on the lake,” will instantly gain you acceptance, and a free drink.  Even though beer holds a special place in any redneck’s heart, various types of liquor also undergo consumption by rednecks.  Preference varies between populations, but Jagermeister, Southern Comfort, and Wild Turkey seem to be the general favorites.  One can speculate that these brands are favored due to the added familiarities on the labels.  For instance, the deer head on a bottle of Jagermeister or the turkey on a bottle of Wild Turkey can remind a redneck of the lush, wild environments behind their trailer.  In short, all rednecks consume some kind of alcohol, as long as it has some reference to America or nature. 

 

Large Pickup Trucks

November 2, 2008

Large, oversized pickup trucks are hotcommodities in redneck communities. This is mostly due to two  pickup trucks is that a huge truck implies that you haul something where you work, often heavy equipment or material.  Since rednecks need to appear manly and rugged, this connection between cargo space and manliness incites a redneck to buy a truck.  Furthermore, since the more space you have the more masculine you are, rednecks feel the need to buy the largest vehicles with a tailgate on the market.  It is also accepted practice to paint a confederate flag in the back window of your pickup truck to portray your values to the person driving behind you, even though it may obstruct your vision and cause a fatal crash.  Keeping a healthy coating of dirt on your truck also enhances the effect of a hard labor occupation and the idea that you’re too busy building schools, baling hay, and towing heavy machinery to wash your truck.  Needless to say, rednecks pride themselves on having the biggest vehicle possible.

A typical size redneck truck

A typical size redneck truck

reasons.Rednecks believe that if you buy an American-made truck, you support America,and rednecks love patriotism. While rednecks love trucks, they hate Toyotatrucks since it sounds foreign and is hard to pronounce. To be accepted byrednecks, your truck must be Ford, Chevrolet, or Dodge (longstanding Americanbrands). Trucks instill rednecks with pride that they live in a nation whereyou can drive a vehicle that has a 25 gallon tank, and three miles to thegallon. The second reason that rednecks like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Smokeless Tobacco

November 2, 2008

A typical tin of smokeless tobacco common among rednecks

A typical tin of smokeless tobacco common among rednecks

Rednecks enjoy smokeless tobacco for a number of reasons.  Firstly, it shows how tough and rugged you are.  To periodically insert a portion of raw, possibly flavored health risk in your mouth states that you are clearly tougher than the next stupid jackass and that you should be treated as such, with the respect that which radiates from a bouncer at a bar, a large man with multiple piercings on his face, or one with a great bushy beard.  In addition, smokeless tobacco also allows for a certain disregard for hygiene, as spitting copious amounts of crap stained liquid is considered acceptable as long as said spit is excreted outside, in a spittoon, or in an unfilled cup or bottle.  This lack of hygiene also satisfies a redneck’s need to feel manly.  While a multitude of smokeless tobaccos can be found and preferred amongst Rednecks, it is generally not acceptable to call smokeless tobacco by what it is.  Always refer to smokeless tobacco as dip, chew, snuff, or spit.  If ever offered a “dip”, immediately accept or be prepared for various verbal and physical abuses for being a girl.  Common insults from rednecks include being called a “pussy” or random girl’s names.  While smokeless tobacco can be purchased as pouches, a device which helps keep loose strands of tobacco from wandering away from the user’s bottom lip, it is considered unmanly and should be avoided.  However, the phrase, “That’s all the drug store had ‘cause they were out of Copenhagen,” is always an acceptable answer when caught using pouches.