Smokeless Tobacco

A typical tin of smokeless tobacco common among rednecks

A typical tin of smokeless tobacco common among rednecks

Rednecks enjoy smokeless tobacco for a number of reasons.  Firstly, it shows how tough and rugged you are.  To periodically insert a portion of raw, possibly flavored health risk in your mouth states that you are clearly tougher than the next stupid jackass and that you should be treated as such, with the respect that which radiates from a bouncer at a bar, a large man with multiple piercings on his face, or one with a great bushy beard.  In addition, smokeless tobacco also allows for a certain disregard for hygiene, as spitting copious amounts of crap stained liquid is considered acceptable as long as said spit is excreted outside, in a spittoon, or in an unfilled cup or bottle.  This lack of hygiene also satisfies a redneck’s need to feel manly.  While a multitude of smokeless tobaccos can be found and preferred amongst Rednecks, it is generally not acceptable to call smokeless tobacco by what it is.  Always refer to smokeless tobacco as dip, chew, snuff, or spit.  If ever offered a “dip”, immediately accept or be prepared for various verbal and physical abuses for being a girl.  Common insults from rednecks include being called a “pussy” or random girl’s names.  While smokeless tobacco can be purchased as pouches, a device which helps keep loose strands of tobacco from wandering away from the user’s bottom lip, it is considered unmanly and should be avoided.  However, the phrase, “That’s all the drug store had ‘cause they were out of Copenhagen,” is always an acceptable answer when caught using pouches.

 

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One Response to “Smokeless Tobacco”

  1. Cindy Says:

    Nice- The proper etiquette w/regards to chewless tobacco at the end of your entry is a very nice touch! A paragraph break somewhere in there might help with the visual aspect of this one.

    Other edits/suggestions:

    -…with the respect that (often) radiates from a bouncer at a bar, a large man with multiple piercings on his face, or (a guy) with a great bushy beard.”

    -“Rednecks, it is generally not acceptable to call smokeless tobacco by (its proper name)”

    -When you mention girls names toward the end, perhaps provide some examples, like “nancy” or “sally” (one’s i’ve heard/used before…)

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